Love, explained.

Have you ever wondered how much of love is about the heart… and how much is about hormones? Whether love at first sight really exists… or is just something Hollywood conjured up? And what about chemistry—can you create it, or does it just happen? Most of us have pondered such issues, and we decided to get some answers. That’s why we sat down with noted anthropologist, Dr. Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, who is also the author of such books as Why We Love. Her noteworthy career has been dedicated to understanding love—how and why it functions for us humans—and she sat down with us to share her fascinating insights.

In a nutshell, why do we fall in love?
Dr. Fisher: I’ve come to think that romantic love is one of three basic brain systems that evolved for reproduction. Each evolved for a reason: The sex drive evolved to get you out there looking for partners. Romantic love evolved to enable you to focus your energy on just one person at a time, conserving time and energy. And attachment, the feeling of security you can feel with a long-term partner, evolved to help you stay together long enough to raise kids.

Why does being in love feel so good?
Dr. Fisher: Because some of the most powerful brain circuits for pleasure are triggered. The main chemical involved is dopamine, which produces feelings of euphoria, energy, sleeplessness, and focused attention on your beloved. Biologically speaking, you’re experiencing something similar to a cocaine high

Is there such a thing as love at first sight?
Dr. Fisher: Yes. It probably happens to men more than women because men are more visual, but I think we can all remember times when we felt an instant attraction to someone we barely knew. It has a practical purpose: In the animal kingdom you can’t spend three months discussing your résumé; you need to feel instant sparks to start the breeding process.

How do men and women experience love differently?
Dr. Fisher: Men fall in love faster than women do. Women take longer because they have to create a “memory trail” of their mate’s behaviors. She has to remember what he promised, what he’s done for the partnership, and what he failed to do.

What do men look for in a mate?
Dr. Fisher: Men are more likely to choose women who display signs of youth and beauty—the first time that they marry, men around the world tend to marry women who are three years younger than themselves. Men are also attracted to women who “need” them. Men want to be helpful.

What do women look for in a mate?
Dr. Fisher: Women are attracted to partners with money, status, and ambition—one study found that American women seek partners who offered financial security twice as frequently as men do. If men look for “sex objects,” then women look for “success objects.”