But then I thought that you might have just caught my eye and that's about it.
People whispered that you're finely refined. I looked up and looked away.
Didn't want to agree but at the same time, not denying.
However, that wasn't the reason why I felt that you seemed special.
Fine night can never last long cause day will come with all the realities and responsibilities waiting.
Then, I was lucky. I had a chance to go for an adventure where almost every day was magical and dreams never end. Surprisingly there, I saw you again, many times. I told myself that you are not special after all cause there are other things to create memories with.
I'd almost forgot your existence until one night, you winked at me. You appear to be the brightest of all and I know, you are. Every time I looked at you, you were full of hope and determination. Then I said quietly to myself, "I like... You".
You kept following me with your light and somehow it made me happy. But it was only up to a time when I realized that I will not be living in a dream land forever. And so, I reacted. I pulled away. I pulled away like I always do. Probably I'm a coward but you convinced me, my star. You manage to convince me that you will always be there for me. You taught me not to be afraid. With all the strength and sanity I had left, I said "yes", to you. I have to admit I was in doubts at first but it happened so, you made me believe that dreams can turn to reality. I never felt so alive and magical before you shines right through me. I was really looking forward to talk to you. to see you. my shining star.
Probably it was stupidity of me when I struck you suddenly with a realistic vision. Vision of what I want. A created vision because I was afraid. Afraid of losing you.
Something might have went wrong because your light started to dim. It was like you were about to leave me. I kept on talking, trying to reach you, to strengthen the hope that was built. But then really, you disappear. I was never able to face that reality but then I realized that you actually trying your best not to appear again in my vision. I accepted to agree to disagree. I didn't even fight back. I was defeated. I don't think my mind would want to give up on that tho, at least I'm sure until now that my heart never did. I always think that you're always there, still.
I moved on with my life. Life without your light. Life before you came along. But it was never the same because the memories could never be erased and I won't. This has taken its toll on me. I thought things that are left unspoken will fade away. I was wrong. It gets stronger. either for the better or for the worst, the effects are significant.
People say you're doing good my shining star. I can see that too but from different angle. further away. By all means I know that I could personally reach up again to you, just to say that you're doing great, but then, I don't see the use of it and I can only pray everyday that you keeps on shining, my star. I will do too, insha Allah.
We will meet again someday.
-Arabella, 15th June 2013-
James Blunt - Same Mistake